new revelations

i am quickly finding out that i would be a horrible kenyan woman.

when i first moved in with my host family, they were very surpised that, at age 20, not only did i not have children, but i'm not even married or, at the very least, engaged. at first, they seemed genuinely surprised about this, but after getting to know me, i think they are finally thinking "ahh yes, that makes sense that she's single. she doesn't know how to take care of anything." i've always thought i could do a decent job of taking care of myself - i can clean (as much as i feel is appropriate), cook (or at least find ways of feeding myself), and wash clothes (with an electronic washing machine). however, i'm coming to find out how ridiculous most of that probably is compared to how amazing these women are.

last night, my host mom had me sweep my floor for the first time. i honestly hadn't even considered this option until she pointed it out to me. but, it was good that i did, b/c the floor was a lot dirtier than i had thought. she let me sweep for about 5 seconds before grabbing the broom and doing the rest herself.

so, yesterday after work, i decided i should go home and wash my underwear. my host family graciously washes the rest of our clothes, but we're supposed to wash our own underwear, understandably. so, i went to the grocery store to get some detergent, but all i could find was fabric softener. and a lot of it. that's the thing about grocery stores here - you can find 800 varieties of toothpaste, but no floss. so, i decided that, although i don't think fabric softener actually cleans anything (i've never been quite clear on its purpose - why does fabric that is already soft need to be "re-softened" every time it's washed?), i bought it anyway, assuming that it's better than nothing. so, when i got home, i asked my host mom for a bucket to wash them in. she gave me one, and then proceeded to tell me how to wash them. i've washed clothes by hand before, so i thought i knew what i was doing, but apparently not. she finally just told me to soak all the underwear in soapy water for a few minutes. i could at least do that. then, a few minutes later, i tried to start washing them, but my host mom did not approve of my technique, so she just took over for me. and she decided that we needed actual soap, so she got some of her own to use. it is a weird/humbling/funny experience to watch someone you barely know wash your underwear and then help you hang it up to dry. but, it's done now, and my room at least smells good from having all that freshly-washed underwear hanging in it, so i guess that's a good sign.

i love times like last night though - sitting on the floor of my house, holding my little host sister, and watching my host mom wash clothes by the light of a kerosene lamp. i started out feeling like i was incapable of doing actual labor, and that the women here probably just pity how hapless american girls are - but i ended up just forgetting about our differences and soaking up the weirdness and joy of that whole evening. there's a time for analyzing differences, looking for needed changes, trying to change archaic gender roles and practices - but also seeing where i need change in my own life. but, there's also a time for just sitting and talking and being. and just living life in kenya. and accepting it and embracing it and just letting myself be. in some ways, it's so different from who i am, but in some ways, i just totally feel like me.

i guess the moral of the story is that i can't do basic things most 10-year-old kenyan girls can. and that fabric softener is not the same thing as detergent.